


VR Televangelism

by GloriousGoblinQueen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-07-23 00:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20001136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriousGoblinQueen/pseuds/GloriousGoblinQueen
Summary: Between bouts of static-y mindlessness and internal screaming, the Helmsman likes to entertain himself with immersive videos of his own memories.





	VR Televangelism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wolfpeach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfpeach/gifts).



### I

Another day, another useless stretch of time he has to himself. Some might call this a "break", but he doesn't because it implies some kind of respite from his job duties. While he's technically not being engaged for the ship's Advanced Weaponry and Navigation System at the moment, it's not like he has the freedom to walk away, either; he hasn't had that particular luxury for ages.

The Helmsman browses through his "library" looking for something to amuse himself with. It's a collection of his own memories, but this many sweeps into his imprisonment has him so detached that they may as well be recordings of things happening to someone else. He doesn't even know why he bothers actually looking for anything, he just ends up choosing the same ones every time. Still, he lets thousands of digital files fly past his HUD before settling on the one he wants.

* * *

Psii was so fucking glad when flight class finally let out for the day. He wouldn't bother showing up at all if he didn't need this course for his pilot's license. As it was, the instructor mostly let him do what the hell he wanted as long as he did well on the Daily Evaluation. It helped that he’d taught himself most of this shit when he was younger.

As soon as the doors opened, he got the hell out of dodge. A lot of his fellow students were psionics like him, and so many of them were either neurotic as fuck or genuinely excited about their future careers. He couldn’t stand either crowd. The standoffishness didn’t net him many friends, but who the fuck needs friends? Besides, he had someplace way more important to be.

Trolls had already gathered in the square by the time Psii got there. Having already missed most of what the speaker had to say (he shouldn’ve been there about an hour ago), he decided to stand in back of the crowd and wait until the sermon was over. It wasn’t like he missed anything important, just the same old “throw off the chains of tyranny!” flighty bullshit as always.

The crowd cleared out slowly, and Signless headed straight for him, somehow managing to weave through and not bump into anybody. He wanted to laugh; Signless looked pissy, probably mad at him for showing up late again. He did laugh when Signless stepped up to him and punched him in the shoulder.

“Why do I even bother inviting you to these things anymore? It’s like you agree to come knowing you won’t show up!”

Psii smiled at him, making sure to bear his teeth. “I don’t know, man, I thought you just liked the idea of seeing my face in the crowd or something.”

Signless rolled his eyes hard and shoved at Psii so he’d follow him home. “Even if I did, _which I don’t_ , because you have the face of a moron, how would I see it when you’re not even there? Hm?”

“You see me all the time, use your shitty imagination.” Signless just shoved at him again.

  
  


The lights were already on in Signless' cave, meaning someone was home. Sure enough, his not-lusus (or whatever the fuck you'd call that tall jade-blood who's always around) stared at the two of the cryptically while they made their way to the back for some privacy. Only a curtain separated the small chamber from the rest of the cave, and Psii watched him yank it shut.

Psii picked a bare spot on the wall not occupied by shelves of shitty novels to lean up against. "So. What the fuck was it you begged me over her for again?" he asked

Instead of answering him, Signless sat down at his desk. He seemed intent on rearranging everything in it, opening the drawers and moving things from one compartment to another without any rhyme or reason. Psii watched about as much of this as he could take before saying something.

"Hey, asshole. I got better things to do than watch you redecorate. I can leave if you want."

Signless snorted. "That's a lie, you love coming to my hive," he said. Psii still didn't know why the hell he insisted on calling this thing a "hive". Then, Signless reached into his pocket. "Here. I was just messing with you, don't have a cowbeast right on my floor."

Psii rolled his eyes and took what Signless handed to him. When he got a good look at what it was, his heart skipped a couple of beats.

"Yeah," Signless said. "Sorry, but those things you're wearing on your face now are lame. I figured, with that whole messed up red-and-blue-duality theme you've got going on, you'd appreciate these more." He gestured to the new pair of shades Psii was holding.

Upon closer inspection, the new glasses were, in fact, much nicer. One circular lens was red, the other blue, and they were sleeker and more lightweight than the blocky black shades he was currently wearing. Psii examined them in the faint light Signless' desk lamp gave off, turning them this way and that. He took the cheap black shades off and put on the new ones, testing how everything looked through them.

"Wow," he said. "Thanks, it's like I'm in a shitty 3D movie." Signless threw something soft at him, but he barely flinched. "Seriously though, if you want me to deep-throat your bulge, just fucking ask, no need to buy me shit. Although I appreciate the gesture."

Signless started laughing. "Fine, see if I every give you anything special again, ever."

* * *

The video cuts out, a little earlier than it usual. Then again, he's almost certain it's been getting shorter and shorter, but it's not like he can prove it. He idly wonders if being hooked up to the ship like this, after probably centuries, is finally rotting his brain out and destroying his memories. Psii then wonders where those red and blue shades went, before remembering they'd been on him when he was brought aboard this ship. _They're probably long gone by now,_ he thinks. Which sucks, because he really liked that pair. He can't remember the name of the troll who gave them to him, but Psii's pretty sure he liked that guy, too.

### II

The Helmsman knows it's going to be a Fucking Bad Day when _she_ shows up.

The Queen Asshole in Charge (he refuses to use her official title; it's the only form of state-approved rebellion he has left) strides up to him like she owns the ship. Which, she does, but she could be less blatant about it. Strangely, the persistent static in his mind doesn't cover up the click of her heels or the soft drag of her hair across the floor (kept spotless because she refuses to tie her hair up or at least have attendants hold it up for her like someone reasonable).

He doesn't bother looking up when she's right in front of him. Even if he could move his head, he would still barely see all of her. She dwarfs him so, she could hold the Helmsman in her hands like a doll. Once upon a time, he might not have minded that; anything for a reprieve, no matter how temporary, from the endless miles of wiring running through his head and body like a grafted-on secondary nervous system. Now, he wants to stay as far away from her touch as possible. Which doesn't seem like a thing that's going to happen today (like he's ever so lucky when she shows up in person).

She bends down slowly, and he can see the bottom of her wide, fanged smile come into view near the top of his visor. Then, one of her large hands brushes against his cheek, a sharp claw just barely scraping the surface of his skin, and he _really_ wishes his senses weren't on right now.

  
  


He shakes his head like he's just woken up from a bad dream. He knows the encounter was real, however, because he remembers everything up to her touching his face. _Probably erased the rest,_ he thinks. From past experience, the Helmsman knows that his "owner" likes to erase parts of their encounters from his memory. Leave him confused as to what the hell happened and why he's jittery and disgusted with himself for no reason. Or, she could have extracted the juicy parts into a media file for him to stumble upon later.

Speaking of which: he figures it's about time for another distraction. The crew is doing fine right now with the basic nav and weapons system, and he just had a meeting with _her_ , he fucking deserves this.

He scrolls and scrolls until he finds the right file. It's tagged with a little red heart, but he's so out of it, he can't feel embarrassed.

* * *

Psii held the other troll's head in his lap and slowly dragged his fingers through the thick hair. He was a terrible moirail in his own opinion, not having the patience for it and being more likely to encourage someone to kick someone else's ass. But Signless had gotten heckled a bit too hard at one of his sermons one day, and Psii wasn't fond of the idea of one of the few trolls he could tolerate getting culled for murdering someone a little higher on the hemospectrum. So, he'd practically gotten Signless in a headlock and strong-armed him off the stage.

And now here he was, calming Signless down from stressing out over what topic to cover at his next public appearance.

"I don't know what to do! I can tell I'm losing some of them, and to be honest I'm getting tired of sticking to same 'safe' crap I've been retreading myself. But if I _really_ dig deep into, you know, the hemospectrum and the learned helplessness stuff, am I really ready to incite a riot? Because I'm pretty damn sure that'll start a riot."

Psii bit back his laughter; honestly, Signless was such a nerd it was adorable. "Okay. First of all, you're vastly overestimating your followers' willingness to riot." He didn't bother putting air-quotes around "followers", what with one of his hands being busy giving comfort, but he made sure they came through in his voice. "I mean, breaking shit is hard work. Secondly, if somebody _wants_ to start shit, they're probably gonna do it regardless of what you have to say. So it's dumb and pointless to keep worrying about what others are going to use you as an excuse to do."

Signless huffed and pouted. " _You're_ dumb and pointless," he said under his breath.

"Damn, bro, you could set a seadweller on fire with that sick burn you just gave me."

Signless turned and hid his face against Psii's stomach, but Psii could still feel him shaking with quiet laughter. It made him smile, being able to make this adorable dumb fucker forget about the bullshit weighing on his mind. His own head was so full of noise sometimes, strange whispers and visions and shit he hasn't even told Signless about, but if he could give his moirail a fraction of the peace he wished he had, he was happy.

He was in serious danger of nodding off when Signless tried to get his attention. 

"Hey," Signless said, laughter still in his voice. "How insane do you think they would go if I gave my speech about quadrants being absolutely terrible?"

The hand moving in Signless' hair stilled, and Psii felt like something in the conversation had shifted. "The hell are you even talking about now?"

"I'm talking about quadrants!" Signless shifted around so he was facing up again, looking at Psii. "I'm talking about how the whole system's stupid and possibly designed to induce as much anxiety in the troll population as possible! Look, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen on my visits; wild quadrant vacillation, kismesses coming within an inch of killing each other, _right in front of me_ by the way, auspistices who had no idea what they were doing --"

"That just sounds like regular trollmance bullshit to me," Psii interrupted. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Signless grabbed his free hand and looked him in the eye.

"But it doesn't _have_ to be," Signless said with a quiet urgency. "Things don't have to be this way. Matters of the heart aren't simple, but surely they have to be simpler than all of this. I mean, wouldn't it be great to just...have one person you could share all your quadrants with?"

Something like anxiety ratcheted the fuck up inside Psii's brain. He was completely, wholly, totally fine with being Signless' moirail. That was the absolute truth, and anyone who said otherwise was a damn liar. But even he had to admit to wondering (only occasionally) what it would be like to be in Signless' flushed quadrant. To call Signless his matesprit. To hold him up against the wall of his hive and frantically pail with him to hold off the merciless retribution of the Imperial Drones.

He needed to get a fucking grip.

"Nah, I've got trolls lined up for miles waiting to get into my quadrants." They both knew that was a lie, but whatever. Anything to get Signless off the subject.

Apparently, Signless had other plans. "Even if you've got everything under control, which I know you totally don't, lines get blurred so often anyways. Why not just blur everything together from the start? Better yet, just throw the whole thing out. Seriously, we have to put our genetic material in _buckets_. _In front of somebody else._ It's weird, and someone should say it."

Well. That totally helped with Psii's shame over his redrom fantasies.

"Besides," Signless continued. "Sometimes, when I'm with you..."

Psii went still again, waiting for something.

"Well, what we have is great, but there shouldn't have to be these arbitrary limits on it, you know? Sure, we're pale now, but maybe one of us goes flushed. Why do they even have to be separate things in the first place?"

Signless seemed to settle down after that. After a few more moments of quiet shock, Psii went back to stroking his fingers through Signless' dark hair. He thought carefully before he said what he did next.

"I don't know if your worshippers are gonna buy what you're selling." Signless pinched him at the word "worshippers". Psii continued, "but I get it. It would be kind of cool, not having to try so hard keeping up with quadrants and shit like that. Maybe you're onto something."

Signless turned over again, snuggling down like he was getting ready to take a nap. "As long as you get it, at least I know I'm not crazy," he said.

Psii knew he probably should have left well enough alone, but that just didn't seem right in this instance. "Oh, you're pretty insane. But your logic's sound, at least." He wheezed out a laugh when Signless pinched him on his stomach, and promptly decided that, yes, he would take a nap right in Psii's lap.

* * *

The Helmsman does not put that particular file on repeat for hours. That would be pathetic and a sure sign of imminent mental collapse. Even if he did, it's no one's business but his. He single-handedly runs a whole ship; he can indulge every once and a while.

### III

As soon as he opens the file and sees the initial scene, he regrets it. The way his stomach drops at seeing the forest doesn't give him any details, but he hates the sense of dread that comes up before anything else does.

* * *

Signless was late, but Psii had a pretty good idea of where he'd gone off to. Lately, Signless had taken to having one-on-one sessions with certain disciples, and there was one in particular he was taken by. Psii only knew her as Leijon, and she was a spirited olive-blood who seemed to hang on every word Signless said. Psii supposed it was good for him to have someone that devoted to his work, but he didn't have the best feeling about how much time the two were spending together. Especially not when it lead to Signless showing up late for something he and Psii were supposed to have been working on (though maybe it's just karma for all the times Psii showed up late to Signless' public speeches).

He headed to the forest nearby, which was where Signless usually took Leijon when they were having a meeting. The trees were packed somewhat densely, but there was a clearing near the middle with places to sit. It was a nice, mostly quiet area to hold lectures without worrying about being overheard by the wrong crowd.

Psii stepped around the thick trunks and over fallen debris with an ease that could only be gained by coming here often. He fully expected to Leijon sitting on her usual tree stump, leaning forward as she took notes while Signless paced around the forest floor gesticulating with his hands to make a point. He did not, however, expect to find them locked together in an embrace, engaged in what may have been the most tender of sloppy makeouts he'd ever seen in his life.

* * *

He cuts the memory off early himself this time, but the lingering sick-surprised feeling lingers a bit. This is one of the few times he's thankful that emotional detachment begins to set in after each memory starts playing. He doesn't think he could take it if he had to be stuck feeling as lost and disappointed as he did that day.

### IV

The next one is just an assortment of images and short bursts of video.

It's the last time he ever hears Signless' voice in real life, and if the circumstances were better, he'd be proud of Signless for swearing so emphatically, yet succinctly. Instead, it hurts that that is what all of their hard work has been reduced to: lurid, red blood streaming down the body of a dead troll who just wanted to make shit better for his people. He knows there are others out there like him who are dedicated to keeping the dream alive, but it doesn't feel the same. He knows by now it never will be the same.

He hasn't seen Maryam, the not-lusus, in weeks. She'd become something like his own not-lusus as well, and her absence hurts him more than he wants to admit, on top of everything else.

Leijon is gone, too, and despite everything he misses her. Whatever was going on between her and Signless, it went beyond quadrants and, more importantly, it made Signless _happy_. He just can't find it in himself to be mad at her for that (though he has no problem finding the bitterness that it couldn't have been him).

When the Condesce comes for him, his mind is so white with fear he can't fully process it; he doesn't know if that's an artifact of the original memory or a side-effect of being in her employ for so long. She has the nerve to make him an offer as if he has a choice in joining her crew, and he valiantly resists, even though they both know he has no chance of getting away from her.

As soon as that particular memory parade of horrors finishes, warnings start popping up on his HUD. Some serious shit is going down, and he wonders if the strain this will put on him will actually kill him this time. He doesn't dare hope, not anymore.

### V  
(BONUS SLOPPY DREAM BUBBLE MAKEOUTS)

Once the headache clears enough for him to see straight again, he looks around and realizes he's in his hive. Signless is sitting at his desk, messing with something on it.

"Shit," Psii says. "I finally fucking died, huh."

Signless finally stops fiddling with the toy on the desk. "Yeah, I guess you did." He gets up and walks over to where Psii is standing. "And it's about damn time. I thought I'd never see you again."

Psii is really not expecting Signless to grab him and start masterfully sucking his face, but he's not about to complain.

There's a huge pile of cushions on the floor in the corner of his room, and Signless maneuvers them both over to it. They fall down together in a tangle of limbs, and Signless is on a mission to get Psii's clothes off as quickly as possible.

"Fuck's sake," Signless swears. "Take this damn helmet off!" He yanks it off of Psii impatiently, and plumes of thick, black curls come tumbling out.

"Thanks, but I kind of can't see now, genius."

"You can concentrate on feeling, then." And boy, does Signless give him a lot to concentrate on.

Signless wrestles with a zipper for a moment before getting it down and peeling Psii's bodysuit off of him. He kisses, then bites every bit of skin he exposes, and even though they've barely gotten started, Psii thinks he's about to seriously lose his mind. It's as if his body has been primed all this time for this moment, and it's an amazing hell on his nerves, leaving him shaking.

Then, Psii gets to watch Signless work himself out of his own clothes, just a shirt and leggings (and he very pointedly does not think about the last time he saw those leggings, covered in way too much red). The shirt comes off, and something about the line of Signless' shoulders makes him want to bite down. So, he does; he lunges forward and hugs Signless to him and bites almost right on the curve where the shoulder transitions into the arm. Not quite the mark he was aiming for, but there will be time to get it right later.

"Hah, I thought only jade-bloods were rainbow drinkers," Signless quips.

Psii ignores him, preferring to lick his way up and down Signless' throat. Any other time, he'd feel at least a little embarrassed by how desperate he's being, how desperate he feels. But he's been waiting ages for this, and frankly his self-consciousness can take a flying leap out the nearest window.

They both get the rest of Signless' clothing off, and suddenly Psii's being pressed down into the cushions and there's a lot of hot skin touching hot skin. He's sure his nook's never been so wet before, he feels like he could fill a whole bucket by himself. The fact that he seemingly doesn't have to crosses his mind, and he's relieved. The less he has to think about fulfilling some obligation, the more he can think about how fucking good Signless feels pressed up against him, the whole length of his body slowly moving and rocking against Psii's.

When Signless slots himself against Psii in just the right way, they both moan way louder than Psii thinks is necessary. Nothing's even gone into anything yet, and he already feels like his psionics are going haywire. Signless stills, and Psii thinks it's just to get his bearings so he doesn't spill everywhere just yet. Psii's not feeling very patient now, however, so he lightly rakes his claws down Signless' back to help him refocus. Signless bucks his hips forward, and Psii pushes his head back into the cushions, arching languidly in pleasure.

Signless drops his head down, burying his face in Psii's neck. "I should've made it work," he says quietly. "I could have. I just didn't think it was a thing that could happen."

"Make what work?" Psii has no clue what Signless is talking about.

"You know, between me and her and you. It would have worked."

Psii's not about to hop on this angst train, not when he's this close to getting his brains fucked out. He plays dirty and wraps his bulge around Signless' to get him back on track.

"Hey, how about we save the sad shit for some other time. Or never, whatever works."

Signless stares at him for a few moments, then narrows his eyes and slides his bulge home on the first try. Psii's glad his hair's in the way, not wanting him to see the way his eyes roll into the back of his head. It's not the first time he's been fucked, but this is something else entirely. Signless lets it sit inside his nook and writhe around a little, brushing up against his insides like a gentle caress. Psii can't help but squirm around, especially when Signless starts to speed up, corkscrewing into him without mercy.

Not one to be outdone, Psii reaches down to realign himself with Signless' nook. It's awkward to work it in from this angle, but he manages. The slide in is easy, and he can't believe how good Signless feels around him and in him.

With this much double stimulation going on, it's a miracle they last as long as they do. The next several minutes are filled with the sounds of heavy breathing and slick noises coming from them both. Psii's the first to come, spilling slickness all over himself from his bulge and his nook, surely making a mess of what they're laying on. He pulls Signless along with him, clenching down around him in a way he knows has to be driving him wild.

Psii knows one of them (definitely Signless) should get up and get something to clean up with, but for now, he's content to not move an inch. At some point, he'll also have to ask where the hell he is, exactly, but that's much lower on his list of priorities.

He clutches Signless a little more tightly, not wanting him to go anywhere, either.


End file.
